Worldwide Empathy?

This is awesome.
I just came across this neat pictorial representation of Jeremy Rifkin presenting The Empathic Civilization. Since I'm a visual thinker, I really appreciated the animations. It's the perfect intro for understanding the mirror neuron process.

As I mentioned previously, Empathy is a neurological process. It is not an abstract, or "psychological imagination" based concept. We are hardwired to be group animals that communicate emotionally. We have the capacity to intimately communicate with each other, as well as other beings. 


If you don't have access to this stream of information, social interactions can be very cognitively demanding. 


Many people are unclear as to the difference in meaning between Empathy, Sympathy, and Compassion.

I'll start with Compassion. Compassion is more of an intellectual exercise, that leads to the path of understanding another's situation by realizing the steps that led to that situation. You can technically have compassion for anyone, or anything. It takes work. That's why there aren't a lot of compassionate people these days. Nobody believes they have the time to contemplate the life history of others.

I like this explanation from a psychologist that writes about "America's continuing Empathy Deficit disorder".

Empathy vs. Sympathy
To clarify, empathy is different from sympathy. Sympathy reflects understanding another person's situation - but viewed through your own lens. That is, it's based on your version of what the other person is dealing with. ("Yeah, I can sympathize with your problem with your elderly mother, because I have my own problems with mine ..."). A narcissist can be sympathetic in this way.

Such a self-centered focus is similar to what some people think love is when they're really enthralled with their own feeling of being "in love," rather than loving the reality of who their partner is, as I wrote about in a previous post.

In contrast, empathy is what you feel only when you can step outside of yourself and enter the internal world of the other person. There -- but without abandoning or losing your own perspective -- you can experience the other's emotions, conflicts, or aspirations from within the vantage point of that person's world. That's not telepathy. Research shows that it's a hard-wired capacity in all of us. And that kind of connection builds healthy, mutual relationships -- an essential part of mental health.

However, the mind cannot be of the kind that experiences empathy continuously and frequently. In order for the group to function as a whole and operate defensively, there needed to be a "shut-off" switch that turned the experience of empathy down, or removed the experience of empathy completely from consciousness. In order to kill, we needed to remove ourselves from the sensation of being killed. (Otherwise we would all be acting like Deanna Troi from Star Trek, and having dramatic freak outs.)

That "shut-off" switch, is Identification.

Human minds come pre-prepared to accept the differentiation between Self and Other. There are "cognitive containers" that grasp and hold onto what the Self is, and what is related to the self. You can find this in the self reference effect, and in many aspects of human behaviour, information related to the self is favoured in an irrational way. (For example, the digits of your SIN number can influence what you are willing to pay for things.)

Human brains are filled with information that "anchors" a sense of identity, even if we are unaware of it, because it is not something that is chosen with free will.

This is a very old system, since we have inherited the mental framework built ontop of eons of primate socialization. Chimpanzees also form strong concepts of identity. I once read that a larger group of Chimps split into two separate "tribes". After they had been separated for some time, they came into contact with each other again. Instead of greeting their old companions with friendly behaviour, they were very wary of each other. One chimpanzee however, wanted to socialize. The chimp reached out to an old friend, and touched their shoulder. The other chimp recoiled at the touched, appeared disgusted, and retreated. He then proceeded to take some leaves and vigorously scrub the area where the other chimpanzee had touched him, as if he was trying to "decontaminate" the cooties from the now estranged tribe. (But, they don't seem to be "racist" against this albino chimpanzee!)

The concept of Identity being such a strong force, seems nearly crazy, and unbelievable at first. One of the scientists who discovered mirror neurons in action even said: "It took us several years to believe what we were seeing."But with more and more research being done with mirror neurons, it seems Identity is actually a biological process, not an arbitrarily chosen personal philosophy. The mirror neurons "learn" from experience what we consider to be our Identity, and then they form a cognitive framework around that, determining when and with whom empathy can be experienced.

Mirror neurons not only influence our thoughts, they determine what thoughts we are able to have.


For example, there is a significant difference in mirror neuron activity when people view the motor actions of another race. 

This explains how Natzi's were able to have a normal and loving family life, and then go to work and sadistically murder small children. They had dehumanized Jewish people completely, to the state that they were not capable of having an emotional empathetic response during those callous and unbelievably demented acts. The "empathy switch" was working for their families, and children who they saw as German, but not for Jewish children. The murdering of children to them, would have felt as benign as dismantling a mannequin. Therefor, not many questioned these acts. They didn't "feel bad about it", so found these acts to be applicable to their moral framework. Hitler did not send out an "evil wave" and brainwash an entire country. What he did, through propaganda that influences the mind, was to systematically rewire the brains of the German people to feel nothing for Jewish people. Or, if anything, a searing hatred and disgust that justified their actions.

Genocide is the dark side of empathy. I am currently reading "The Lucifer Effect" by Philip Zimbardo, the guy who designed the Stanford Prison experiment, causing a bunch of college students to have mental breakdowns. I'll probably write more about the evil half of empathy later.

But what is the good news?

The Good news, is that Identity is very flexible, as the video explains. We can "trick" our minds into accepting the identity characteristics of citizen, family member, job position, music taste, into our Identity repertoire.

In theory then, it is possible that we can extend our concept of empathy to include the entire human race. But this must be done through culture, art, and experience. Simply saying "I am a citizen of the world, one of 6 billion other citizens of the world" does not create an identity framework for empathy. Humans are reactive, intuition and emotion based creatures. Words and facts, do not chance minds. Identity is centered in the landscape of the "right brain", a place where associations instead of logic, proliferate.

Narcissism, and being highly self absorbed, creates an Identity that is highly ego/self based. When one views the world as existing "around" and apart from the self (somewhat like how autistic people are forced to see the world), instead of having an identity that incorporates a surrounding community and network, the brain forms an Identity that is highly deficient in Empathy. Seeing as how our society is becoming ultra individualistic with the use of social networking websites, children being brought up today are being taught that they are a unique being and everything is being connected TO them, instead of WITH THEM. (The terrifying consequences of this could be an entire generation full of thoughtless narcissists.)

Personally, I was not sure if I experienced Empathy, or not. I am constantly glued into my own perspective- I can't even experience two emotions at once, let alone process the feelings of another person simultaneously. When I was about 12 and came across the concept of Empathy, I was confused, and scared because I didn't experience that. (Nobody had mentioned anything about mild autism at that point.) I was worried that other people would consider me a cold monster, even though in different ways I cared for other people and the rest of the world deeply.

Now I realize that I do in fact have Empathy, but it is locked away behind a door, and difficult to reach in the maze of my mind. I can find this in my consciousness while watching movies sometimes, but this process becomes extremely overwhelming and my own emotions "drown", because of my hyper-focused conscious experience. It's as if I start to disappear, and I am being "absorbed" by the experiences of the other person. If I am in this "room" it is not possible to speak, or interact properly with the other person, because I can not reach the place where language is. I get thrown into "The Pit"- the place where primitive emotions reside. In that place, I become disoriented and lose control of my consciousness. It doesn't matter what type of emotion it is, whether it is anxiety or sadness, or the intensity. When my consciousness is hyper-focused on The Pit, it is not a pleasant experience. So I imagine that I might have "blocked it off" behind a door, a long time ago, in order to have the ability to interact with the rest of the world properly. So for most of the time, I don't have this automatic social information that everyone takes for granted. I have to use a lot more of my cognitive energy to figure out what is going on.

For many autistic spectrum people, this is also their experience, going strongly against the ridiculous stereotype that "autistic people do not experience any emotions." The empathy is simply too overwhelming, and takes the center stage drowning out other multiple cognitive processes. So those processes are sectioned off, and blocked out. Here is an article that discusses that theory. Recent research suggests that there is a functioning mirror neuron system in Autistics, but the information is not being processed and handled by the brain properly. Other studies claim the mirror neurons are firing, but delayed, sending confusing information to the brain. One researcher describes it as: “These children are really not unemotional, they do want to interact, it’s just difficult for them,” says Markram, “It’s quite sad because these are quite capable people but the world is just too intense, so they have to withdraw.”

Psychopaths/narcissists are the very opposite. Psychopaths can often be experts at figuring out the mental states of others, and have superior mimicking and social skills. Many are said to appear "charming". But this emotional information is not attached to their emotional experience. It is if they are watching other people behind a thick glass wall. They can understand very well the feelings of others, but they are never touched by them.

Psychopaths, science seems to be telling us, have unique brain abnormalities, and appear to be born rather than made. But most psychopaths do not become serial killers. (Many probably become lawyers, or politicians.) The psychopathic brain, PLUS childhood abuse, appears to be the recipe for serial-killing.

Narcissists however, are created. And consequently, they can in theory change and grow to experience Empathy, if they want to.

Autistic people on the other hand, are in a fog, struggling to see the people on the other side, off in the distance. Sometimes the fog breaks, and Empathy shines through. But most of the time it is obscured and distorted.

Besides the feeling of Empathy, mirror neurons have been implicated in many different cognitive processes, giving us a new picture of how the "scaffolding of the brain" is developed.


For more information on mirror neurons and Empathy, I suggest reading "Mirroring People: The New Science of How We Connect to Others" and "The Age of Empathy: Natures Lessons for a Kinder Society".

Self Esteem

As I wrote before, our culture is obsessed with self loving. You are supposed to somehow "find yourself" and then "love yourself" even if you are a jerk, or a drug addict. While other cultures think you shouldn't be in love with yourself, if you clearly don't deserve it. You should feel shame instead.

I don't really know how self-esteemy I can really be. Because, what self am I supposed to be loving?

Self #1-The potential self- the disembodied spirit in the broken machine- The one that doesn't exist, and could never come to exist, outside of the machine. The person I wish I was when I have the use of my imagination, and the complete control of my body and mind, in my imagination.

Or...

Self#2- the actual, broken machine, that The Thing that endlessly frustrates me, that I have to fight with constantly. The one that everybody else sees, and the only one that can be said to "exist". The one that breaks down, the one with static on the radio, the one with faulty circuits, the one with sharp teeth, the one with rusty gears. The one that invites the demons in and locks the door.

I don't want to love The Thing that is self#2. And how can you really love a ghost?

My Body is a Cage- Arcade Fire

My body is a cage

That keeps me from dancing with the one I love

But my mind holds the key

My body is a cage

That keeps me from dancing with the one I love

But my mind holds the key

I'm standing on the stage

Of fear and self-doubt

It's a hollow play

But they'll clap anyway

My body is a cage

That keeps me from dancing with the one I love

But my mind holds the key

Standing next to me

My mind holds the key

I'm living in an age

That calls darkness light

Though my language is dead

Still the shapes fill my head

I'm living in an age

Whose name I don't know

Though the fear keeps me moving

Still my heart beats so slow

My body is a cage

That keeps me from dancing with the one I love

But my mind holds the key

Standing next to me

My mind holds the key

My body is a . . .

My body is a cage

We take what we're given

Just because you've forgotten, that don't mean you're forgiven

I'm living in an age

That screams my name at night

But when I get to the doorway

There's no one in sight

I'm living in an age

Realizing I'm dancing

With the one I love

But my mind holds the key

You're still next to me

My mind holds the key

Set my spirit free

Set my spirit free

Set my body free

Blinding- Florence and the Machine

Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state

A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake

No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber

Until I realise that it was you who held me under

Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids

Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone

No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden

No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love

No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love

No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack

All around the world was waking, I never could go back

Cos all the walls of dreaming, they were torn right open

And finally it seemed that the spell was broken

And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open

And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone

No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden

No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love

No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love

No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

Snow White's stitching up the circuitboards

Synapse slipping through the hidden door

Snow White's stitching up the circuitboard

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone

No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden

No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love

No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love

No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

Snow White's stitching up the circuitboards

Synapse slipping through the hidden door

Snow White's stitching up the circuitboard

Synapse slipping through the hidden door 

why I sometimes can't speak

Okay, something new. I realized that one of the main reasons why when I'm in right hemisphere "receiving mode" my internal voice is barely a whisper.

Like music, I can only really "hear my internal voice" if I'm focused on left side, "transmitting mode".

So thats why I can barely rehearse what I'm going to say before it comes out of my mouth. It's like trying to eavesdrop in on another person in a different room. I can't hear myself think even if I want to.

Hmm...I don't know why I missed that. Seems obvious now.

Maybe this is also why it is difficult to read in busy environments.

The difference between understanding, and being, in autism

This is a continuation of my previous posting, on the differences between autistic and neurotypical consciousness. This is something many people don't think about when confronted with the communication problems associated with autism.

People automatically assume that you are a person, with intents and emotions and ideas, and that you, like them, have the ability to fluidly control these aspects of identity. When communication is impaired, people believe that the problem is a lack of understanding, and a lack of awareness.

These points may also be factors, but what many people do not understand, is that you can have understanding of social relationships, and an awareness of a situation, but lack THE ABILITY to properly interact.

As a child, I was permanently confused. I didn't understand why the other children wouldn't' play with me, and why they had such strange behaviours. Things such as "forming groups"- the other kids when told would automatically and quickly decide who to work with, without saying anything out loud to each other. To me, it seemed pretty much like magic ESP. So, I was usually picked last for everything, and had to be "assigned" a group by a teacher.

To "normal people" socializing seems very natural and "easy". It just happens. But socializing is actually a very intensive process, and many things are going on in the brain at once.

But I made the effort in attempting to understand psychology and human behaviour, and now people are no longer so mysterious. (Thank Gawd for the internet.) I also read a lot as a kid, and novels taught me more about people than people did. (Even if they don't want to, all children on the autistic spectrum who can read should read novels. This helps with the understanding of other peoples emotions and whats generally going on in their heads.)

So with effort, I taught myself to understand, and I began to understand how to be aware. By aware, I mean how to pay attention to signals of other people, as well as being aware of the context and situation.

But, there is a limit to where understanding and awareness can take you.

In my mind, I can design many situations and "scenes" of different types of interactions. I can imagine a situation and then predict what I would like to do. I write occasionally, and can flesh out different characters and dialog in a story. The difference is, that when it is in my mind, I am always able to do what I want to do, and I "have control".

This is difficult for people to understand. They might think "if she can write, and understand these things, then that must mean she is choosing to act improperly." Not so.

In my imagination with effort I can change the tone and volume of my voice, use proper facial expressions, and carry on a conversation or discussion with another person. I can mirror people, walk normally, flirt, or comfort people. But that is imagination. In real life though, these things are extraordinarily difficult to manage in real time, because I do not have the level of control over my consciousness that "neurotypical" people do. It's like imagining yourself to be driving a race car and winning the race, and then ACTUALLY trying to drive a race car and crashing early on.

Also, there is a difference between understanding in the moment, and understanding in reflection. I may misunderstand what is being said, because I don't have enough "brain space" to consider alternate explanations at the time, because my mind is stuck on "one track"- but afterwards I am able to understand when I have the ability to visit the other "tracks" of alternate possibilities.

A few months ago, I walked downtown to attend a major celebration. The kind of event that you will only experience once. Everyone was running through the streets, strangers were hugging and high-fiving, and everyone had the same exuberant, excited expressions on their faces. I had never felt so different and strange in my entire life.

I could not join in. Instead of reflecting that powerful emotion and becoming one with the crowd, most of my brain power went into blocking out the busy hectic environment so that I wouldn't trip over my own feet. Inside I had the desire to join, have a drink, and meet new people, but I could only watch from the inside. That night the only people I managed to talk to were a bum who tried to steal my pop because he thought I secretly had alcohol in it, a clubbing chick who wanted me to affirm that she did not look over 30, and some guy with a weird accent that offered me what he described to be: "some rare herb from somewhere in Africa that causes you to hallucinate bright lights turning into phoenixes while experiencing a unique euphoria." I politely declined that offer, my brain was being screwy enough that night.

If you don't have this ability to absorb and reflect emotional information, it really does seem that people have psychic powers when communicating. I used to be very perplexed as to how people are able to watch what another person is doing, and then voluntarily move their face to match the others expression exactly, and instantly, while talking at the same time. To me, that seems pretty much like reciting Shakespeare while playing tennis. That is because it isn't entirely voluntary. There IS a sort of psychic atmosphere that is created with people: mirror neurons.

People absorb and automatically reflect each others expressions, thus communicating emotionally. They only occasionally voluntarily move their faces around. Add to that, people have a pretty good idea of what facial expressions they are displaying- an objectivity of what others see- and can so voluntarily "tweak" their expressions.

But for me, I have a VERY hard time telling what my face is doing. I tend to have no expression, or very exaggerated expressions. I can feel my facial muscles move (sometimes more, sometimes barely) but it is very difficult to translate those movements into a face, or expression that others see. I lack an "objectivity" of myself in space.

This is one of the reasons why I have been fired from a lot of jobs, I believe. For example, in fast food or labour jobs, there is usually some kind of pain involved, whether its grease burns or a sore back, or a general brain pain from over-stimulation. Even though the pain might not be bothering me that much, (I have a reasonable pain tolerance) it could still be showing on my face, and I can't properly realize AND suppress that expression.

So- to other people, apparently it looks like I'm scowling and being very irritable or sullen. But in reality, it has NOTHING to do with my emotions or what I am thinking at the time. People take this to mean I'm some sort of bitchy person and "not a team player", and "bad customer service" because I have some sort of attitude problem. But believe me, when you are so broke you can barely afford to eat, you'll be a team player to keep your job! For pretty much all of my jobs, I have not been given a real reason for why I was being fired, apart from useless statements like "you don't belong here". Even if I try to mention Asperger's and explain, it doesn't matter. Those kinds of facial expressions make people feel uncomfortable, and they don't want to know why, they just want you GONE.

If I had A CHOICE, I would definitely NOT go around looking like I'm in a bad mood, and have weird expressions. I wish I had the ability to communicate what I'm actually feeling, and to "act" when the situation requires it. To put people at ease, and to appear friendly, warm, and confident. My life would be entirely different. But people never see me as these things. They just automatically assume I have a negative sort of personality, and that I choose to be that way. But in reality, I might be perfectly calm, and have nothing negative floating around in my head. This is also worse because I am female, I believe. Everyone assumes girls will be more sociable and outgoing.

I wish I had a magic machine that allowed me to switch consciousness with someone else, so they could see what being trapped in this kind of mind is really like, and how much of what happens is not a choice at all.

That you don't have the ability to be yourself. That its an ongoing struggle to be present and communicate.

The chambers of my mind

It has been mostly in the last year that I began forcing myself into a more "introspective" mode, practicing mindfulness, and basically making an effort to understand why my brain doesn't let me do what I want to do.

I used to think, that if I took up the task of understanding human behaviour, and tried to become more skilled with non-verbal communication, that I could learn how to be a normal human and everything would be fine and dandy and I could have a normal life.

Because I have never had what can be called a normal life. I can barely remember events from my childhood and teenage years because my mind has changed so much. Much of that time was spent being extremely confused, and alone. I had a couple friends, but much of the time I was left sitting around wondering why the other kids were laughing at me.

But...nope. I was quite disappointed to find, that although in my imagination I am able to reproduce all kinds of social situations and act accordingly, in real life I still come across as an idiotic weirdo.

In theory, I can understand the actions and motives of others, and how I should respond appropriately, or, how to express myself. But when I am within the situation, it is not possible for me to do so. This is because my consciousness is hyper-focused, and I can't even multi-talk enough to listen to what someone is saying, pay attention to their behaviour, and think and talk at the same time.

I can't be in all of my brain at once. I can never just "be myself".

There are a lot of studies that describe problems with white matter connectivity in autism, differences in the corpus callosum (the thingy that connects your two brains) or mini-columns. This means that there are problems with long distance communication in different areas of the brain. This seems to be very true in my case.

For me, I can only really "use" one hemisphere of my brain at a time. There are a lot of processing delays for tasks that switch between hemispheres.

The two hemispheres of the brain are differentiated in a number of ways, which I won't bother to explain, but basically the right brain handles global processing, different types of attention, conceptual and metaphorical thought, emotions and empathy, and some types of creativity. The left handles contextual, fact based, sequential, logical thought, and other stuff like music.

When my consciousness is situation in my right brain, it feels like the other half is in the darkness, waiting. When I'm there, I find it much easier to observe the environment, because it's easier to "see the big picture", and interpret gestures and facial expressions. BUT- in this place I do not have a very high vocabulary, and it is difficult to think in some ways. So while I can listen, and watch, it is very difficult to respond in the way I would like to respond.

Since I do not have very many verbal thoughts, translating my thoughts can be difficult in the right hemisphere, having a smaller vocabulary of often used words. It's like I'm floating in the ocean, scrambling to pull together debris to build a raft. I can only grab and use what is close to me.

This means my wording is often very clumsy, and I often come across as a nonsensical simple-minded idiot. When in this mode, half the words that come out of my mouth are inadequate representations of my thoughts. It is easier for me to type my thoughts, than it is to speak. This has absolutely nothing to do with anxiety, or having words "on the tip of your tongue". It doesn't matter what mood I'm in, or if I'm constructing thought out loud, or within my mind. I think that bothers me the most, and it is extremely frustrating to experience. I would never be recruited for a debate team.

In opposition, when I am in the left side, the library of my brain, I can articulate myself far easier, and recall information much more easily. BUT- I can't really look at someone at the same time, or be very communicative, and pay attention to my environment. If I do this, I experience cognitive traffic jams, and discomfort.

I think this is the reason why it's far easier to talk about information, or "facts", than it is to talk about myself or construct arguments. It's like pulling a book off a shelf. It's already written.

So I am stuck in either "transmitting mode", or "receiving mode", and being in both places at once, to be fully aware and a whole person, is nearly impossible. If it happens at all, it is for very brief moments.

I have to poke my consciousness around like an amoeba, directing it to where I want it to go, and which process I want to focus on. I cannot simply desire to speak, and speak. I cannot simply want to hear music in my head, and hear music. I first have to re-arrange my mind in order to do that.

This is not immediate. There are delays in switching processes, which may be 6-10 seconds.

I also can't concentrate on speaking and adequately feel my body in space at the same time. I often feel half of my body more than the other. I have always been clumsy, and while I'm getting better at it, I often have bruises. It is also very difficult to imagine an objective understanding of the environment, and what other people are thinking.

There is a large, impassable cavern between understanding, and being.

Order in a state of chaos

This is an introduction to this blog, so I first have to make clear a few things.

We do not enter this world naked, alone and trembling. We are not an unprepared canvas, waiting for the colours of experience to paint our lives, as most people will believe. Babies do not really experience their first moments as "one great blooming, buzzing confusion."

Babies actually come with a lot of programming pre-installed. I suggest checking out cracked.com's informative article on BABY SUPER POWERS.

We are also not rational, philosophical, mentally infinite beings capable of escaping the nature from which we came, either. Sorry.

The common belief is that we have this special ethereal substance called "intelligence", and because we're so darn intelligent we just put 2 and 2 together and come up with the answers for explaining how the world works.

But we are born human, and live human. We just don't notice how human we are, because we're always hanging out with other humans and doing humany things. Most humans believe everything they do makes perfect sense, and that the world they live in is the way it is, because...that's just "the way it is". They have no desire, or need, to question their behaviours, and believe that anybody who does so is either a neurotic social scientist, or an idiot.

For people on the autistic spectrum, human behaviour is extremely confusing, and sometimes seemingly inexplicable. That is because autistic people are forced to "learn as they go along." Temple grandin called herself "An anthropologist on Mars". And Asperger's syndrome is sometimes referred to as "Wrong Planet Syndrome". Autistics essentially remain foreigners in the culture that they are born into. And in this case, it may be that the world they are born into is indeed a buzzing confusion.

The human brain does many things "for us" that we are not aware of. Human beings, and their minds, naturally connect when socializing. A human child is essentially a "social sponge", built to mimic the actions of others, to quickly incorporate language, and to readily accept cultural norms. This is one of the main differences that separate us from other apes. Great apes can match toddlers on a variety of cognitive tests but fail in this crucial area. They are capable of complicated mimicry, and can learn a series of actions, but they do not have this compulsion to copy, and the immediate mental understanding of another's mind that human children do. (Although being social creatures they do have a high amount of social awareness.)

We are hard wired to connect with each other, and to experience empathy. Some people understand empathy and compassion to be interchangeable, but neuroscience is now showing us that empathy is in fact a neurological process, not a psychological exercise of thought like having compassion. I understand empathy to mean the immediate, intuitive understanding of another's emotional state. Compassion, however, is the intellectual exercise of imagination that attempts to understand another's mind by examining the situation and relevant factors.

The study of mirror neurons has been called "The DNA of psychology" because it bring together concepts in psychology to the realm of "hard science". Mirror neurons have been implicated as one of the reasons to explain autistic spectrum disorders, and the difficulty with social learning and empathy. Autistics then, are missing the "social sponge". They have to learn with effort what comes naturally to others. However, there is conflicting research on this subject. Some studies seem to show a reduction in mirror neuron function, others report normal mirror neuron functions, and some claim that Autistic people have empathy, but it some cases it is too overwhelming, or "blocked out" of the conscious mind. In any case, difficulty with understanding the mind of others is a primary symptom of autistic spectrum disorders.

People also assume that what they experience is what all other people experience. Most people have the sensation of being a solid entity, observing the world as if they are looking out from their brain into the world around them. They have "top down" perceptions of the world, their thoughts and conceptual understandings shaping what they see, and do not see, around them. Objects are solid, obey the laws of physics, and experience tells us what to expect from them. They can navigate easily through this world, and most of the time, they are lost in thought on autopilot, and barely notice it.

For normal people, the concept of the world being "chaotic" to autistic people is very difficult to understand. They wonder why autistic people react strangely to things which are seemingly normal, and seemingly easy to comprehend and learn. That is because they are trying to think this through with their neurotypical brains, and have the impressions that I described above, that they figured things out for themselves.

The mind of autism is a place of both chaos, and structured order. There are many symptoms of autism, and some are affected by sensory perceptions more than others, but most experience the world very differently.

One helpful analogy is that of a computer. There is a large hard drive and fast processor, but the RAM memory is too low. So when too many processes are running at the same time, the computer freezes or crashes. Normal people can easily operate 10 programs at once, while autistic people can only operate maybe 3, people with Asperger's 5 or 6.

For myself, I have trouble navigating everyday life because at times I can feel my body, while other times it is difficult to find or I only feel half of my body. If I try to do too many things at once (like walk, talk, navigate, and pay attention to the environment!) I have the sensation that the world is "rushing in", and I do not have a choice whether I want to see it or not. My consciousness, the "I", is what is left over from this influx of sensory information. So, my thought, and the type of thoughts I am able to have, are limited by my environment.

If I am in a busy environment, it is very difficult for me to interact and think within this context. If I relax, and stop struggling to remain present, I have the feeling that I almost disappear, and the world has consumed me.

I understand intellectually that the world is not a "chaotic" place, but for my consciousness it's as if I'm being tossed around in a storm next to a ledge that leads to nothingness.

My mind is constantly switched to "local processing" mode, which means it always focuses on the small parts instead of the whole. This may not make much sense for normal people, but seeing with the eyes, and seeing with the brain are too completely different things, (although the eyes are the brain..but I'm making this too confusing.)

I have the ability to perceive an entire object, but this takes concentration and time, and it is often cognitively painful. It is not immediate. Because of this, my brain doesn't easily interpret the borders and boundaries of objects. Instead, I have to "connect the dots" of details, and sometimes I use repetitive movement to help navigate by helping me to locate borders. If I don't do this, and try to appear "normal", I will find myself stumbling and knocking into things. It also helps me place my body in space.

I experience cognitive pain frequently. This pain can be described as sort of like the sensation you get when you hear nails on a chalkboard, or when you look at the sun. Nails running across a chalkboard isn't "loud", but it creates a very irritated sensation in the brain. Most autistic people experience the same thing. When my brain is overwhelmed, there are mental traffic jams of information processing. It feels like ripples of buzzing electricity colliding.

This makes social interaction difficult, and eye contact especially difficult. Most people think the lack of eye contact is due to anxiety, or the fact that autistic people don't know any better, but eye contact is also very irritating to the brain, and might cause some cognitive "traffic jams". So for autistic people, it is far easier to communicate when they are staring at a blank surface, or another region of the persons face. This is probably due to the fact that the eyes move a lot, but also because the brain has a lot of processing that is specific to faces, and the sensation may in fact be overwhelming because "too many programs are running."

So yep, in my mind, I understand how the world works, and after studying people for about 10 years I understand how they work. But that is in my mind, when my mind is in a restful state. When I am "in the world", this understanding is lost, and the familiar becomes strange, and chaotic.